Its time for a change!!!

Well in an effort to start posting more, here I am.
I don't know about any weight loss this past week because I did not have time to go weigh in. I did try extra hard last week to eat well, however the exercise really lacked due to my crazy school schedule. This weekend was Halloween......had a lot of fun with my friends, however after seeing the pictures I realize how far I have yet to come....and I really want to get there. I know I'm only two days into this week, but its a new week!

I have exercised for an hour for both of the past two days and have eaten relatively well, I am really trying to just take one day at a time, make the healthy choices on choice at a time, hopefully this mindset will work better for me so I'm not so overwhelmed. This weekend, I am already planning, I have a sorority semi-formal on Saturday night so that means Saturday will be my only bad meal, and the rest of the weekend I WILL stay on track!

I must admit I am going to make some homemade popcorn tonight and stay up and watch all of the election coverage. I AM SOOO EXCITED/NERVOUS! I hope everyone went out to vote today, such an important election. I am not normally a very political person (my family is however) but I think this election is so important, and so many things will be affecting my future and my career!

On that note, I really hope that tomorrow morning I can say that this man will be the next president of the United States!

Hips Don't Lie

Well.....since I promised I would start writing here more in an effort to continue weight loss, so here I am.

I weighed in this past week and I was down 1.4lb's from the last time I weighed in, I guess you could call it progress, however I had not eaten in like 24 hours because I was feeling sick and I was probably dehydrated, so who knows.

I was a menace this weekend, ate everything in sight and then some. I don't know why I do it to myself, I feel horrible after doing it and I look at pictures of myself and I hate seeing myself, I do not want to be that way. I want to be happy to see pictures of myself, I want to be a strong woman, however every weekend I seem to be nothing but weak.

I met with the psychologist at the weight control center this past week and she suggested that I try start by limiting my off eating to only one day per weekend, instead of being a disaster all weekend. Totally doable right?....It should be however I was clearly not able to follow it this weekend. She also suggested that I start making small goals for myself instead of saying (I WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER 50LB'S!!!!!!) Because honestly I know how hard it was to get the almost 50lb's I've taken off of this body, and another 50 is looking like a pretty huge mountain.
It ends up seeming much easier to feel "normal" and go out with my friends instead of "oh, I'm gonna lose another 50lb's here)

So here's my current weight loss motivation...as small as it may seem. Before Christmas I will lose at least 10lb's. This gives me about 2 months (with room for a small slip up at thanksgiving) I know that I can do this and more if I set my mind to it and find that inner strong girl that all of my friends and family see.

*Oh yea, and about the "Hips Don't Lie" thing. My jeans that were big on me all summer...starting to fit again. NOT a proud moment. must.get.this.weight.off.now!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Hi All,

Well this is a hard post to write...obviously, it took me about 3 months to finally get the nerve to come on here and write. Well after re-reading my last post, it sounded great, but I totally did not follow my eating plan at all....and I'm up about 10 pounds since this spring, and that is really hard to admit.

I miss the me that I was in Jan, Feb, March, and April. Where is that girl? Oh how I wish I could get her back. See that girl didn't give into temptation, that girl made eating right her number one priority, that girl weighed in every week to see results and keep herself accountable, that girl was able to say no to her friends when they gave her bad temptations, That girl never let herself have an excuse to not workout, even on the weekends, and most of all that girl was HAPPY and losing unwanted pounds.

Although the past couple of months I thought I was "happy" being more "normal" and going out to eat with my friends, I really am not. This is not where I wanted to be when I started this whole journey back in January, I wanted to be close to my goal by now. I do understand that everyone has screw-ups and fall-backs, however mine has gone on too long.

So what have I been doing you might ask? Well since school started right after Labor day I have been working out about 5 days a week (good) 1-2 of which is with my personal trainer. And I have been eating really well during the week. However the weekends are another story. Pretty much Thursday through Sunday I have been eating whatever, and going out all the time. So although I have been putting the work in during the week...I completely sabotage all of my efforts on the weekends.

I saw a picture today of myself that was taken this weekend, and I HATE it...I look fat and I have not come as far as I led myself to believe. I am not negating the fact that I have come a long way, but I need to come A LOT further!

So I guess the point of this post is that I am in search of that girl I was earlier in the year, I NEED her! As of yesterday I started tracking everything I eat again, so hopefully that will help, and I plan on being very careful this weekend with everything that I eat. And most of all, I am going to write on here weekly to start keeping myself accountable again, and hopefully start to report loss again!


If anybody has any words of motivation, PLEASE!...I can use all I can get!

Here is the picture from this weekend that made me realize how much further I have to go. I am second from the left.

God only knows how long its been

Well its been ages.......

It has been ages mostly for the fact that I am scared to face the world and show my failures.
Back in January I would have never thought I would reach this point, I was strong, empowered, and had a will stronger then I have ever had!

But now its July....Celebrated the 4th of July, had my 22nd birthday, and went on vacation.....and in the last two weeks according to my scale I have put on a whopping 9lbs. Yes I know what happened, in the past 2 weeks I have worked out....ooh 3 times, ate whatever the hell I felt like, and had no motivation. My excuse was for the holiday and my birthday, but you know what? I gave myself the worst birthday present ever stepping on that scale today and seeing all of the excess weight I have to lose AGAIN. I feel it too....I can tell in my clothes, hmm perhaps that is why I am wearing stretchy pants and a big t-shirt today.....the clothes that always give. AHHHH!

I somewhere thought that the summer would be easier for me, I would just be able to focus on work and working out....without having to think about school. BOY WAS I WRONG! But honestly this summer is SOOO HARD! my schedule is not regimented like it is when I am in school so I lack the structure and discipline that I had so well when I was in school.

I joined a gym in June to try to start switching up my workout, which worked for about two weeks. But my eating has not been great. As many of you know I started out this journey in January doing 4 protien shakes and day and one meal. Well i'm now at the point where I don't think I could ever stomach more then 1 shake a day, even though it was great for my weight loss in the beginning. I am trying to work with my trainer and dietician to figure out an all food plan for me, but honestly food scares me, it leaves me with so much room for rationalization of something being "good for me" or having a larger portion. I know I have to face it, I do but it doesn't take away from the fact that it terrifies me.

My birthday present to myself this year (yes, I am that vain) was 24 sessions with a personal trainer. I had my first one 2 weeks ago before my 4thofjulybirthdayvacationextravagaza and she kicked my butt and made me hurt, and I loved it!.......except for the days following when I was dying from the pain. Anyways I have my 2nd appointment with her tomorrow and I am scared to face her and let her know the hellish two weeks I have had of donuts, pizza, fried crap.ect... you get the point.

Well this me pledging to get back on track, I am sick of letting myself fail and I have come to far to let myself do this. I will train with my trainer, workout at least 3 other days a week (I workout with her 2) and I will stick to the healthy food plan that has been layed out for me.

Above all else I will find the strength within like I did back in January to remain strong, disciplined, and find the inner skinny me. I will not fail, its just not an option I will keep myself accountable and rely on others to do the same.

I am strong! (say it till you believe it, right?)

Will blog much sooner then the last time I promise!

19 and 20

So week 19 and 20 were tough.

I ate like crap in Toronto for our vacation (I really suck on vacations) and I was too scared to face the scale that week so I waited until last Thursday to go weigh on. In two weeks I lost 1.2lb's and I was upset.

Now I'm sure sure what to attribute that to. Maybe it was the few days of eating like crap, or the other option is last week I joined a gym near by. I was excited, my workout routine has gotten very boring and I could feel myself giving up and I didn't want to do that, so I did the next best thing, switched it up! I spent the money on a year membership and I am excited. I want to work on a lot more toning and different area's of my body besides strictly cardio.

Well I was working out with a personal trainer for a few days and doing lots of weight training this past week, so that could be attributed to the difference in weight loss. My trainer did warn me that weight might start coming off in different ways (i.e. inches instead of pounds) for a while, but actually seeing it on the scale made me a little sad.

Week 18

Hey, I went and weighed in this evening and I honestly did not expect much since my crazy work hours have my body all messed up and I feel super bloated right now but I am down another 3.2lb's! Very exciting! If all goes well this coming week and I lose at least 2lb's I will be at 50lb's lost since January, this is very exciting!

It should be an interesting weekend with going away to Toronto with my exercise and eating, but will try my hardest to stay sensible and get lots of walking in!!!

I'll post pictures after we are back!

weeks 14, 15, 16, 17......ummmm yikes????

SO its been ages since I have posted. I was busy finishing up school then I was gone on my trip to Cancun for a week (AMAZING!)....and then back to working midnights which has messed up my schedule completely!

Week 14.....the week before I left for Mexico. I lost 2.6lb's at my weigh in and I was very happy because it was during my finals week and I was not able to exercise as much as I had hoped.....and thats about all I remember from that week.

Week 15. CANCUN! such a fun trip with three other amazing girls! I in no way was able to stick to my workout and eating regimen however I tried to walk as much as possible, especially on the beach, and well I kind of ate like crap....to be expected I suppose.

Week 16 began one day after getting back from Cancun but I did not go weigh in because I knew I needed to spend some time getting back into the gym and drinking lots of water before I made myself cry on the scale. It is really hard to get back into eating healthy and exercising in the gym after a week of not doing it.....I really hate that feeling and I had a tough, tough week!

Week 17 (last week) I went and weighed in and I was down 1.6lb's from my weight before I left for Cancun and I was pleased. I was able to get off whatever water weight I had gained from all of those lovely drinks in Mexico, and an extra 1.6'lbs.

Although I am still losing small amounts I have to admit I am struggling. I don't really "cheat" but I think about it all the time and I feel my motivation getting less and less by the day. Its really hard, I thought summer would be easier but its not. My schedule is even more messed up with work and finding time to eat and work out has proven to be a huge challenge. I want my initial motivation back! I still have so much farther that I need to go! I look at my pictures from Cancun and I cannot stand the way my body looks still, oh boy do I still have a lot of work left!

I weigh in again on Thursday and hopefully there will be a loss! I just got back from a 1 hour workout at the gym where I burned 875 calories!....I need to get the motivation to do that everyday again like I did before! I will report back on Thursday!.....This weekend my boyfriend and I are going to Toronto for a Memorial day weekend getaway....exciting! but also brings more challenges for eating and fitting in exercise!

I will leave you with a few pictures from my amazing trip!




with two of my friends who I went on the trip with...i'm in the middle


Picture before dinner...in the middle again


one of our many lovely pools at the resort


early morning breakfast picture.....I'm on the right